Ah, Crap.

I'm Chris Morris, and this year I will not be voting for Nick Clegg, David Cameron, or Gordon Brown. I will be voting for the 4th candidate. His name is Chris Morris.

Okay, so I realise you can't actually "vote for" any of these candidates, but hey, it's still my joke of the ... blog! Y'know, in Scotland you CAN vote for the First Minister, I think this is a much better system.

Anyway, enough about politics, lets talk about Perth Colle ... Oh wait a minute, that's hardly changing subject now is it?

So I haven't blogged in a while, because I'm having an absolutely mental time with college. I still have a few thousand words to write for a final submission tomorrow. Pretty stressed out. I hurt my back yesterday (or the day before?) because I was slouching on my bed the whole day just writing, writing, writing. This isn't why I took up drumming!

Oh, and remember last week when I was up all night trying to get a first draft in to get marked? Ha.

I went to college on Monday to get the feedback, and the tutor was off sick, which means no feedback. Not sure whether to be annoyed at this or not, I mean I did Email the draft instead of putting in a hard copy. But hey, I'll just have to hand in the final version and hope for the best.

A thank you to all you loyal readers who filled out my survey by the way. I'm taking a break from writing a report for Music Promotion and Marketing (To write a blog!), and it's been very, very useful having the information from all of you that I needed. Thank you!

Okay, funny ... Funny ... Jokes. Nope, I don't have anything.

Okay, let's do Things That Are Wrong With The World again. Number two.

...

...

Disabled Parking Spaces!!!

Okay, so I know what you're thinking. This might not be "politically correct" what I'm about to say or anything, but hear me out.

What disabled person has the ability to drive a car, but doesn't have the ability to walk as far as everyone else? I mean, seriously, driving a car is a very physical activity. You don't just use your feet, you've also got to steer the wheel, change gears, shift your body around when parallell parking or reversing, and you also have to maintain your car.

Okay, get this. It used to be illigal for you not to have a spare tyre in your car. What disabled person can change a tyre, but can't walk ten more feet to the shops than usual??

And another thing!! Did you know, that a disabled badge owner is allowed to park on single yellow lines? That's what I got a ticket for!! If you're allowed to park there for being disabled, then surely it's okay to park there? Surely that means that the car that's parked there is doing no harm?

So why am I not allowed to park there???

Things that are wrong with the world #2 - "Disabled" drivers!!

They probably just have dyslexia or something...

Anyway, I need to get back to writing this report and dissertation, both of which are due in tomorrow. Agh.

Ada de vatchi or however you spell/say it in Italian.

A Dirty Magazine and Some Rocket Fuel

Hi, I'm Chris Morris and I once ate an entire packet of mentos, washed it down with some diet coke, and lived to tell the tale.

I just had possibly the most embarrassing moment of my entire life less than an hour ago. I was in Tesco to get a couple of odds and ends (God bless 24hr!), and I decided to buy the official Playstation magazine. I don't often buy it because I don't really play games a lot, but I thought, hey, why not.

Biggest mistake of my life.

Y'see, the magazine comes with a Blu-Ray disc which has stuff like playable demos and trailers for games on it. And it just so happened that the content on this disc was rated 18. I went to the self service, and scanned my items, which included a jar of "Rocket Fuel" coffee (The reason for this, I'll get onto in just a second).

So obviously, when I'm done scanning and bagging all my things, the message saying something like "Please wait, restricted items" comes up. One of the ladies comes over and checks what it is I have and is simply comes up on the screen "Magazine".

Uh-oh.

So without hesitation, or asking me for any ID, she quickly okays it and says nothing to me. Another woman came along and she was like "What is it you have?" and the first woman said "It's a magazine, Helen," obviously warning her not to take the situation any further.

I went redder than a tomato with sunburn. I felt like shouting "It's not porn!! It's a PS3 Magazine!!"

Of course, this would also explain the "Rocket Fuel" coffee. I'm planning to stay up all night with this magazine! All I needed in my shopping basket was a packet of tissues and they would never question me about anything ever again.

So anyway, yeah, the reason for the Rocket Fuel coffee is because I am planning on staying up all night to finish the first draft of my dissertation. The last time we can hand it in for feedback is tomorrow, so I want to do absolutely as much as I can, and I still have a few thousand words to write.

And here I am writing a blog! Way!

Yeah I should really go and do it. I just thought it would be a funny story to share with you all. Nothing much else to report apart from the fact that out of my usual six pupils on a Thursday night, one showed up. Admittedly, one is taking a break from lessons, and two are possibly stuck in some foregin country because they were away on holiday, but I'm not sure what happened to the other two.

I had a great lesson with Steven though, he's really coming along. He's started to become a lot more creative, and generally just technically good.

Anyway, I might post another blog entry later on tonight (Or this morning) when I will have finished a draft of my dissertation.

Stay tuned!

...Or sleep, it's up to you.

Dissertation ... Sigh.

Hi, I'm Chris Morris, and Stanley Kubrick decided to edit me out of the Shining, because he was afraid I would outperform Jack Nicholson.

So today I've been writing my dissertation all day. I've completely finished one of five chapters, and hope to have another one done by tonight (I'm working on all five chapters simultaneously). However, I am working at the Odeon tonight till about 11:30. Drat.

For those of you who don't know I'm in my final year of BA (Hons) Music at Perth College. It's a pretty terrible year. Not much support from the tutors, nobody knows what they're doing, and we're all going to die basically. There is the odd exception, the tutor who is supervising my dissertation is actually a fantastic one. Even the little things like emailing me earlier this week to inform me I still have time for feedback shows she actually cares.

Apart from that though, I have been having an absolutely terrible year. For example, for one of my modules this year I have had absolutely no classes, no tutorials, and no lectures. I'm not 100% sure on what it is that I have to be doing for it, and every time I ask about it I'm told to "refer to the student handbook" which tells me that I'll be getting classes.

Yeah, that's how bad it is.

In other news, Niles has set up his own facebook page. I'm not sure if he's using Heather's laptop or mine, but he's got pictures and everything up there, and most of you reading this will have been invited, so become a fan! Or "like" him now that facebook have decided to change that. I'm sure he'll be posting regular updates of what he's up to.

So a pretty uneventful day, and unfortunately a pretty dull blog entry. Tune in next time though, because I promise there will be fire, explosions and dragons.

Actually that reminds me of something, I had a rather long chat on the phone last night with Mr Nathan Brake, where I asked him about why the Workshop was all boarded up. His response was "Man, when it says on the side of food packets 'Do Not Microwave', believe it!".

I really have to stop believing anything he says.

Okay well I'm off now to serve Odeon guests who no doubt will have the following super-intelligent things to say as always:

"What's the difference between 3D and 2D?"

"Can I have a nachos please?"

"Do you not sell popcorn?"

"Where's cinema 5? Through there?" (Pointing to the stock cupboard)

"Ha ha ha" (While dropping popcorn in front of you and looking you dead in the eye)

"Americano? Don't you just have a black coffee?"

"Do you not have any onions with the hot dogs?"

And of course the all-time classic:

"Do you have the number for Cineworld?"

P.S Just for all you die-hard fans out there, here's a photo of me at work!

You may recognise the image behind me as the millions of balloons that Mr. Fredrickson from the absolutely amazing film Up used to float his house, but as this picture was being taken, my co-workers informed me that it was actually my afro.

Whatever happened to that?

First Entry

Hello bloggers, friends, and generally nosey people! I'm Chris Morris, and I once slammed a revolving door...

I decided to start writing a blog to keep all those die-hard Chris Morris fans out there happy (I know who you are, and in some cases, I know where you live). This will probably end up being a stupid rambling of things that are wrong with the world, like the fact that if you are late for work, you can be charged up to £90. Seriously! I was running a tad late for the music school last month and I parked on a single yellow line at 5pm, which is located in a pretty quiet street which you are allowed to park on from 6pm. I got a damn ticket for that. £30 if you pay right away, £60 if you leave it for two weeks, and £90 if you leave it for about a month. I had to pay £60 because I stupidly put the ticket in my glove compartment and forgot all about it.

What harm is my car doing there? What is it about that street, at that time that is stopping me from being able to park my innocent little car there? Are these parking attendants proud of their jobs? Do they go home and call their mums and tell them all about it?

So there we have it, things that are wrong with the world #1 - Parking Attendants!!

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, nowhere.

Hi, I'm Chris Morris ... No wait, I already did that. Okay.

So yeah, I guess in this first entry, I'll "blog" about what I did today.

I awoke from my slumber on several occasions this morning, only to roll over and go back to sleep. I eventually actually got out of bed at an absolutely unholy time which I don't really want to share with you all because it's downright shameful.

Actually, you know what? I'm gonna pin this one on Heather (Heather is my girlfriend for those of you who don't know). I can never get up when she is still in bed and she was in bed for a pretty long time this morning. This is a common occurrence; she will stay in bed with me for ages, then I'll drift off to sleep only to be woken up by her what seems like seconds later saying stuff like "Get up you lazy git, it's two o' clock"...

Ah, crap. I just gave away what time I got up at this morning...

Okay, so it was two o' clock. I'm a pretty busy person okay, so I deserve a long lie! A ... very long lie.

Getting up at that time today proved to shatter the whole day's plan. I had planned to do a lot of - even finish - my dissertation today. Final submission for feedback is due in this Friday y'see, so I want to get a first draft done. So waking up at two o' clock was ... A disaster. Especially because Heather's step-dad Dave phoned up today because he needed the use of my car for a trip to B&Q for items essential for the completion of the fence he is building.

So that took up some time, then I pretty much just bought some chicken for tea, went to work, and came back home.

By work, I mean the music school. Just to clear things up, work can mean two things - Music school, or Odeon.

So that's pretty much all I did today, a relatively relaxing day seeing as I slept for most of it. Early night tonight I think, so that tomorrow I can actually work on this dissertation.

Groan. Every time I think about college I just feel sick. I am not enjoying this year at all and quite frankly cannot wait until it's over. At the same time the thought of finally going out into the big bad real world slightly terrifies me.

Okay, so that's a pretty good first entry I think. Hopefully people will read this because in a few years I'm going to be the most famous astronaut in the entire world.

You read it here first.