2010 in Review

Well, it's another year gone, and another person starting a year review with the phrase "Well, it's another year gone, and...".

I'm Chris Morris, and I was never confused by a single episode of Lost.

I'm trying to find the words to sum up 2010, which would be a great thing since that's the idea of this blog, but I really can't think. Let's start with how many books I read this year:

Dracula - Bram Stoker
We Wish To Inform You That Tomorrow We Will Be Killed With Our Families - Philip Gourevitch.

And that's it. Yep, just two books. Unless I can count a quarter of Under the Dome by Stephen King? It took me nearly a whole year to read Dracula for a number of reasons. When I first started reading it, I was half way through the most terrible academic year of my life. Yep, the dreaded Perth College Joke, oops sorry I mean Honors Degree. I was still writing my dissertation, and I got sort of sidetracked making a video of myself making a Banoffee Pie:

*Insert Video Here*

Yeah, I was intending to show that particular video but it seems that I don't actually have it on my laptop now... It only exists on Facebook! Check out my videos on my Facebook page if you haven't seen it and you're wondering what I'm going on about.

Of course, I was inspired to make some Banoffee Pie (Which, by the way I can ACTUALLY make now) because of the amazing Banoffee Pie at the first China team residential at Gartmore House. Which brings me to Pure Media. If 2010 is to be remembered for anything for me, it's the amazing time I've had with some of the most awesome people I've ever met. Not only China (I was never really convinced I was actually going), but things like this:

For those who don't know, Eh Qualitee was the creation of five people (Although my Eh Qualitee alter ego would say one person) who thought "Wouldn't it be quite funny if we entered one of Scotland's biggest dance competitions and performed in front of hundreds of people?" which turned into reality. And although this has spawned hilarious jokes, and even more funny situations (My favourite probably being the dance-off in a Beijing subway train), the whole process of creating Eh Qualitee with those people is something I'll never forget.

Of course, it didn't end there, there was making a film in the snowy highlands, trying to find Nathan in amongst thousands of runners at the Edinburgh Marathon, staying up mega late to try and edit films, a short lived but hilarious podcast, realising that despite Perth College's doubt in me, I can actually do things as a musician, making a music video with kids who have more energy than an eighteen pack of Coca-Cola, finding that I have made some excellent friends, and of course, racing up the Great Wall of China. And I've missed out loads from that whole paragraph.

2010 was also a year of sort of growing up. Heather has become an actual proper primary school teacher, and I'm sorting out a proper job for myself, too. In 2011, both Heather and I will very much be stepping into the unknown, but it's not just scary, it's exciting.

I'll also never forget the day I decided I would run a marathon. I went out the door, drove up to Clatto, went for a run one lap around the reservoir, and actually thought I would need to go to hospital. Running is a sport for people like me; people who don't think things through. Oh yeah, I'll run a marathon I thought. And then I realised that running is hard. Pretty much, very extremely, mega, pure hard likes. But I WILL run the Edinburgh Marathon, and I... MIGHT do it in under four hours.

So, 2010, here's to you. And what sort of year review would this be if I didn't do a top ten list of stuff. Here goes:

TOP TEN DANCE PERFORMANCES OF THE YEAR:

1. Eh Qualitee at the Urban Chillax
2. Eh Qualitee in Beijing
3. Nuff Said
4. Nuff Said
5. Nuff Said
6. Nuff Said
7. Nuff Said
8. Nuff Said
9. Nuff Said
10. Nuff Said

TOP TEN BOOKS OF THE YEAR

1. Page 38 of Dracula
2. Page 246 of Dracula
3. Page 114 of We Wish To Inform You That Tomorrow We Will Be Killed With Our Families
4. Page 338 of Under The Dome
5. Page 71 of We Wish To Inform You That Tomorrow We Will Be Killed With Our Families
6. Page 23 of Dracula
7. Page 99 of Dracula
8. The blurb of Under The Dome
9. Note on the Text from Dracula
10. Page 10 of Under The Dome

TOP TEN STUPID IDEAS OF THE YEAR

1. Staying at Perth College
2. Playing Resident Evil alone in the dark
3. Getting up early to watch the final episode of Lost
4. Parking on a single yellow line before six o' clock (Twice)
5. Deciding to run up the Great Wall of China
6. Trying a "strawberry flavoured" powder shake
7. Putting a penny into the self service machine while Heather was trying to pay by card because I thought it would be funny
8. Thinking I could keep up with a "Joke a day" calender
9. Telling my Gran "OK" when she asks if I could play some snare drum along with her accordion at a pub on Hogmany tonight...
10. Eating a chicken's feet and head in China/Eating as many chillies as I could in one minute

Run, Run, Run

Hi, I'm Chris Morris, and I turned down a role in The Expendables. I was afraid I would make them look like wimps when people compared us.



Okay, I would like to start today's blog by begging you loyal readers to part with a small amount of your cash. As many of you may know, I am running/crawling/jumping/swinging/whatever else they may make me do the Urbanathlon in Glasgow in a couple of weeks. Every runner runs for the charity Chest Heart & Stroke Scotland, and we all have a fundraising target of £40.



So how much have I raised so far? A fiver!!



So if any of you people reading this would like to sponsor me even a pound, I would be eternally grateful. After all, in the words of a great friend of mine, "Every little helps". Oh. Wait a minute...



If every one of my facebook friends gives me one pound (Which I'm sure you can all afford), I would raise £148. And that would be awesome.



So anyway, here's the link to my fundraising page, please, please donate a pound or two (or more if your feeling generous). http://www.justgiving.com/ChrisMorrisUrbanathlon



So last week, Stuart and I met the Million Dollar Man, Ted Dibiase!! For those of you unfamiliar with late eighties/early to mid nineties wrestling, here's a picture of the man in his prime:







It was pretty strange to meet this kind of person. I hated him so much when I was a kid (Before I knew wrestling was scripted), and it was pure joy to actually meet the guy. Some of those old feelings of hatred might have sprung up at any moment though, as we found out that it was £10 for a photo with him, or £5 for the use of your own camera!

I tell ya, I was THIS close to challenging him to a good old fashioned steel cage match up, but Stuart convinced me otherwise. Still, it was amazing to meet one of my childhood anti-heroes.

So, yesterday I signed up for the Edinburgh Marathon. Nathan said to do it as soon as I could because there might not be places left soon, so I signed up at midnight on 1st September, and now I feel sick thinking about it!

I know I'll be able to do it, just need to train, train train. I have a 5k race tomorrow at Riverside, hoping to forget about the embarrassing result of the 4k there (Last male to finish), and I have the Urbanathlon in two weeks. I think that's what's keeping me motivated, doing all these kind of races instead of just training. Running is a very lonely sport, and motivation is hard sometimes.

As for the Urbanathlon, I found a pretty cool video of the last one which was held in Edinburgh, slow motion videos of some of the obstacles I might encounter, check it out at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVXAMtlzhOg&p=BE663A554E5D27D0&playnext=1&index=8


For training, I have been told via their facebook page that I should practice stairs, so I've been doing some running over the Law Hill. On my last run I did one round the hill, one over, one round, and a final over, which is about 6.1k. I need to up it a bit more as the thing is 10k.

Oh, and please sponsor me! I'll be your friend (That's not a promise, it's a threat).


I'll be making a short video soon begging you all for some money, expect release in the next couple of days...

Spookwatch

Hi, I'm Chris Morris, and all the rumours you've heard about Chuck Norris are true. Chuck Norris is my stage name.

Oh my frickin word, how many of you reading this have heard about Ghostwatch? I've been looking for this for a couple of years and I finally got to watch it this week and it's terrifying! It was a supposed "live" broadcast on 31st October (That's right, Halloween!) 1992. It was kind of like an episode of Most Haunted, but stuff actually happened. The whole thing was scripted, but a lot of the public thought it was real and there was a panic around the country.

People were so outraged by it that it was banned for ten years and has never been shown on TV again. The cheapest DVD I could find was £25, but I managed to get it off of LoveFilm after a long wait.

So how was it? I nearly had to throw my trousers out.

Now, I thought it was scary watching it 18 years after it was broadcast and knowing that it's fake, I can't imagine what it must have been like for people watching in 1992. I'm glad I didn't watch it then, y'know being only five years old and all...

I watched it with Heather in the flat and then also told Nathan about it when he invited me over to watch Harry Brown, and we watched both films. Now, while two guys sitting with hot chocolate, marshmallows, cream and popcorn watching a couple of films isn't every guys perfect night, I thoroughly enjoy going to Nathan and Joe's, and Nathan and I thoroughly enjoyed Ghostwatch. Seriously, Nathan makes a mean hot chocolate!

Yeah so Nathan loved it as well, and Heather also watched it was Ross, who also loved it. I think I'm going to introduce it to my sister and her boyfriend too.

Woah, eight paragraphs in and all I've talked about is Ghostwatch. All I have left to say is, watch it!

THINGS THAT ARE WRONG WITH THE WORLD #4!!!

Now, this is one that's really close to my heart, because it annoys the crap out of me. I struggled through school with Dyspraxsia, but I can tell you, I know my grammar and punctuation! I myght not B as gud wif my speeling, butt that's a diffefferent sroty.

First things first. I've noticed a lot of people using "would of" or "could of". Folks, this is WRONG! Do NOT use these. It's perfectly acceptable to use "would've" and "could've" (Which sound like the first set of words hence the confusion), and you can even use "would have" and "could have", but I swear, if I see one more "it would of been great if..." I'm going to implode.

You may have also noticed that I just used the word "hence", and not "hence why". This is also a common mistake. "HENCE WHY" DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE!!

Definition of "Hence":

"For this reason; therefore: handmade and hence expensive.
b. From this source: They grew up in the Sudan; hence their interest in Nubian art.
2. From this time; from now: A year hence it will be forgotten." - http://www.thefreedictionary.com/ - Accessed on 15th August 2010. Oh yeah, Chris Morris just referenced.

The term "hence why" most likely stemmed from idiots who want to make themselves sound clever by using the smallest of big words: Hence. It doesn't make you sound clever if you put a "why" after it though. It really doesn't.

Another one is this:

............................................................................................

Yep, dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot forever after.

Wrong again!

Not matter how long your dots are, unless it's three dots, your wrong. It's called an ellipses, look it up. Yeah, that's right, it's actually a part of the English language.

So there you have it. This edition of Things That Are Wrong With The World COULD HAVE been shorter, but I liked it. I'm using the English language, HENCE the apperance of the English language in this entry.........................................................................................................

So there you have it, things that are wrong with the world #4 - People's Grammer and punctuation.

Oh, oh, and one last one (this one really annoys me). The date today is the 15th of August, not August 15th. We're in the UK, not America.

I'll try and write again soon to keep all you fans happy. No more death threats please.

The M Word

Hi, I'm Chris Morris, and I do not fear the Edinburgh Marathon, the Edinburgh Marathon fears me.

Why am I talking about the Edinburgh Marathon? Well, I kinda decided to run it next year. Yep, unfit, non-athletic 16 stone Chris Morris who can't even run a mile at the moment, is going to run 26.2 miles in a year's time.

I was helping Joeman and Nathan move house last Friday (Which is literally round the corner from me, it's awesome!), and Nathan suggested I should try to run the marathon, to which I thought "Ah yeah, that's a brilliant idea!"

Less than twenty four hours later, I genuinely thought I was going to have a heart attack and die.

I used to go jogging round the reservoir at Clatto Park, which I had heard was a perfect mile. Now, I used to struggle to do that length before, but when I went for a jog in the early hours of Saturday morning, I literally thought I was going to need medical attention. I was so determined that I wasn't going to stop at all, and run the whole way, that when I finished, I felt extremely sick, and nearly threw up. My heart was beating so fast, I thought I was going to collapse.

I found out later that the length across the reservoir isn't a mile at all.

Yeah, one reservoir length plus another quarter and a bit is a mile. I can't even run a mile!

I went again on Sunday, this time in the evening, and I took Heather with me. I decided to actually go for the mile, but to pace myself a little more this time. I ran about three quarters of the reservoir length, and had to walk for a bit, then ran again, and walked for another bit, then ran to the mile point.

Although I had to stop and walk for a bit, I actually felt a lot better about it than on Saturday's attempt. I mean, I didn't feel I was going to die. I even text Nathan telling him saying "Just went for a jog, I did a mile but it nearly killed me!", to which he replied "Woop woop! Nice one!"

I don't think he knows I was actually being serious.

So as if this time next year isn't terrifying enough with going to Rwanda, I have to worry about whether or not I'll even be alive so that I can go to Rwanda!

Yikes. Edinburgh Marathon, what am I thinking!?

By the way, here's a photo of the reservoir at Clatto if you've never seen it before:

So that's all I really have to talk about just now. Oh, except for Heather basically becomes a teacher tomorrow, which is mega exciting for both of us. My girlfriend is a primary school teacher! She goes to her school tomorrow, which is in Carnoustie (Can't remember the name of the school, she'll kill me for that later), and she'll begin in August.

So anyway, I'll post another entry soon, if my intense one mile training doesn't kill me.

If you don't hear from me in the next week, call emergency services.

Chris Morris - Musician, Author, Award Winning Dancer, and Soon to be King.

Hi, I’m Chris Morris, and my life of being a student is finally done, I got 99 problems but Perth College ain’t one.

That’s right, all the double standards, politics, egos, and lack of professionalism that was Perth College is finished. So here I am, stepping out into the big bad world of reality and ... I don’t really feel any different.

If I said I was terrified, it would be both an over and an understatement. It’s pretty scary thinking that I need to find a full time job, but at the same time it’s really, really exciting. I do have plans, I mean, cooking masterclass! Okay yeah, that’s not really a plan ...

Seriously though I am looking into getting a DipRsm from Rockschool which would mean I could be a peripatetic instrumental instructor. Fancy, eh? So basically I just need to work towards that, then I will either be living in a magical world where as soon as you are qualified you get a job, or I really will be stuck.

In the meantime though, I am loving life. I’ve got a lot of things to look forward to, and I’m doing a lot of things which make me happy. I’m still teaching at the music school, and getting a pay rise there (woo hoo!), I’m still involved with Pure Media, and we’re going to China which is epic, and I’m going to be volunteering in Rwanda next year as a drum tutor/percussion workshop ... person.

Someone said to me “won’t they all already be able to play African drums and that already?” which I kind of think is the same as saying...

In fact, I’m in a list mood, here’s a list of what that is the same as saying (Did that sentence make sense?)

1. Everyone in Scotland wears a kilt, plays the bagpipes, and chases haggises (which are live animals) for their tea.
2. Everyone who gets extra time in exams actually needs it (Okay, there are people who do need it, but trust me I know, I got extra time and a scribe for being borderline dyspraxic, I didn’t need it at all but I needed it more than certain other people...)
3. England are going to win the world cup.
4. All French people go around with garlic around their necks and an artist’s paint pad in their hands.
5. If a band/artist is in the charts, then they definitely know loads about music and are really talented musicians/songwriters.
6. Oh, and I was going to leave the list there, but here’s a good one: All the people going to see Sex and the City 2 and the cinema are all proper fans of the series and are all decent people. They are totally not complete idiots who come drunker than a pirate, dressed up more fancy than a peacock, simply going on a night out rather than a civilised trip to the cinema. They don’t sneak in their own alcohol, and they absolutely love the film, remembering even the tiniest detail the next day.

Okay so I wrote most of that about four days ago, and I’ll continue now!

Yesterday, the Bodman School of Music had an open day where we were giving free music lessons and selling a lot of kid’s toys, books, CDs, DVDs, and loads of other things. Not many people actually came, but hey, it was better than working at the Odeon for a day!

A couple of really exciting things came out of it though. Firstly, it looks as though Heather will now be working with us! I was telling Fiona about how she is going into her probation year as a teacher this year and this sparked some interest, so she asked Heather if she would be interested in running some kindermusic classes, which is awesome! She is meeting with her sometime this week I think.

Also, Fiona has asked me to take one some drumming classes for 3 – 8 year olds, and write a drum book for it. I’ve always wanted to have a go at writing a drum book, and now I have a chance! I have to write a couple of pages of it by next week so we can begin to kind of promote it. I’m not sure what kind of tone I should use in the book though, anyone have any ideas? I don’t know whether to write it as if a three year old is reading it, or as if their parents are reading it... hmm.

Anyway, so yeah that’s awesome. I’m gonna go now and do something else. Everyday I’ve been waking up in a panic thinking “What college work do I need to do today??” and then suddenly I remember, and I relax.

Just before I go, I want to tell you about a dream I had last night. One of those dreams where you wake up and for about two minutes you’re convinced it actually happened. I dreamed that I was going to China with everyone from Pure Media, and I had just realised that I had forgotten to tell all of my pupils at the music school.

Yikes. That would be pretty bad. Note to self...

Silly Signs

Hi, I'm Chris Morris, and today I ate dodo for lunch.

I was driving home from Perth yesterday when I noticed possibly the most stupid sign I have ever seen. It read "Scottish Airports - See Airlines for Details".

If I was looking for details, I think that may be the first place I'd look?

Anyway, it inspired me, so I've created some signs of my own, have a look:

So anyway, some BIG news. Some of you may have read my facebook status update about volunteering. Very, very exciting times. I came across a charity a couple of months ago which provides help for people in Africa, in places like Uganda, Chad, and Rwanda. I was looking through their website when I found out that they recently opened a music school in Rwanda.

However, it didn't mention anything about volunteering at the music school. Drat. But I decided to email them anyway to ask about it, so I emailed the project coordinator, Sophie to ask about it, half expecting no reply. I got a reply the next day! And it was so exciting, she said that they were indeed looking for volunteers at the music school, and that I should contact the director of the school David, and so I did.

So after a few emails and stuff I eventually found myself where I am now, which is that it looks like I'm probably going to Rwanda next year. Wow.

I don't really know what to think, I mean, when I first found out about the school and stuff it was like "yeah, that would be pretty good, but it probably won't happen." And now it most likely is happeneing.

I'm talking with David just now about exactly when I could volunteer, but it won't be till next year I think. I can pretty much choose exactly when I want to go from now to whenever, which is awesome, and I was thinking "Hell yeah, lets do it this summer!", but then I talked with Heather about it and decided that it's best to go next year instead so I can save up and prepare myself. I mean, I'm already going to China this year! Holy crap that's going to be excitng enough, and I've already saved the money for that, so it won't take that long to save for Rwanda.

But yeah, I need to prepare myself in a lot of ways. Firstly, I don't know how familiar you all are about the genocide that happened in Rwanda in 1994, but basically, I will be teaching the orphans of that genocide. Oh my God I'm actually getting chills just typing that. I feel it's a huge responsibilty, because I could really have an impact on their lives.

I also have to prepare by reading a book about the genocide and writing an essay about it, which I'm actually really excited about. After five years of writing about music, it'll be great to actually have to study something completely different. But it's also going to be a pretty emotional journey. Rwandans find it insulting if we go over there with no knowledge of their history, and rightly so.

Another way in which I'll have to prepare is to prepare some really good lessons. I feel really passionate about this already, I want to prepare some of the best lessons I've ever taught, and David mentioned something about doing percussion workshops which I'm both ecstatic about and terrified.

I can't believe I'm actually going to do this. A couple of months ago it was just a nice thought, but it really looks like it's going to happen.

I didn't expect I would write so much about this! Sorry if I bored you...

Anyway, in other news, the black hole that is the end of college is ahead and it looks like I might be able to scrape an honors degree. It's the final push now and I've literally been staying up all night on several different nights, and the whole college experience is just mental just now. So, so much has already been done and dusted (Including my dissertation), but there is still tonnes to do.

I really just cannot wait until its over.

Okay, let's finish off this blog with a funny story about one thing I did today. Here's a fact about both me and Heather. I hate cats. Heather also hates cats (Not as much as me though). So what did we do whilst in town today? Go to the cat show.

Heather wanted to go for some reason, and so I went with her, and we looked about.

So crap.

There were just loads of cats in cages, sitting there thinking they are better than you. That's what I hate about cats! They are the most pretentious animals in the world.

And you can't trust them either. On many an occasion when I was younger, I'd be stroking a "nice" cat, and it will be purring and rubbing itself aginst you when all of a sudden BOOM!! It flips out and sctatches of bites you.

Horrible, nasty little creatures. I hate them.

And I hate pretentious cat owners! I know there are some cat owners who are genuiniely nice and fantastic people (Heather's gran owns a cat and she's one of the funniest people in the world, ask Heather!), but you get some people who seem like they've taken their personalies from their damn cats!

And the cat show as full of those people! Talking about crap like "See that cat there to the untrained eye is a blah blah blah blah blah!!

And so:

THINGS THAT ARE WRONG WITH THE WORLD #3 - CATS!!

Just get a bunny instead, they are absolutely awesome! Here's a picture of Niles to end the blog:

Ah, Crap.

I'm Chris Morris, and this year I will not be voting for Nick Clegg, David Cameron, or Gordon Brown. I will be voting for the 4th candidate. His name is Chris Morris.

Okay, so I realise you can't actually "vote for" any of these candidates, but hey, it's still my joke of the ... blog! Y'know, in Scotland you CAN vote for the First Minister, I think this is a much better system.

Anyway, enough about politics, lets talk about Perth Colle ... Oh wait a minute, that's hardly changing subject now is it?

So I haven't blogged in a while, because I'm having an absolutely mental time with college. I still have a few thousand words to write for a final submission tomorrow. Pretty stressed out. I hurt my back yesterday (or the day before?) because I was slouching on my bed the whole day just writing, writing, writing. This isn't why I took up drumming!

Oh, and remember last week when I was up all night trying to get a first draft in to get marked? Ha.

I went to college on Monday to get the feedback, and the tutor was off sick, which means no feedback. Not sure whether to be annoyed at this or not, I mean I did Email the draft instead of putting in a hard copy. But hey, I'll just have to hand in the final version and hope for the best.

A thank you to all you loyal readers who filled out my survey by the way. I'm taking a break from writing a report for Music Promotion and Marketing (To write a blog!), and it's been very, very useful having the information from all of you that I needed. Thank you!

Okay, funny ... Funny ... Jokes. Nope, I don't have anything.

Okay, let's do Things That Are Wrong With The World again. Number two.

...

...

Disabled Parking Spaces!!!

Okay, so I know what you're thinking. This might not be "politically correct" what I'm about to say or anything, but hear me out.

What disabled person has the ability to drive a car, but doesn't have the ability to walk as far as everyone else? I mean, seriously, driving a car is a very physical activity. You don't just use your feet, you've also got to steer the wheel, change gears, shift your body around when parallell parking or reversing, and you also have to maintain your car.

Okay, get this. It used to be illigal for you not to have a spare tyre in your car. What disabled person can change a tyre, but can't walk ten more feet to the shops than usual??

And another thing!! Did you know, that a disabled badge owner is allowed to park on single yellow lines? That's what I got a ticket for!! If you're allowed to park there for being disabled, then surely it's okay to park there? Surely that means that the car that's parked there is doing no harm?

So why am I not allowed to park there???

Things that are wrong with the world #2 - "Disabled" drivers!!

They probably just have dyslexia or something...

Anyway, I need to get back to writing this report and dissertation, both of which are due in tomorrow. Agh.

Ada de vatchi or however you spell/say it in Italian.

A Dirty Magazine and Some Rocket Fuel

Hi, I'm Chris Morris and I once ate an entire packet of mentos, washed it down with some diet coke, and lived to tell the tale.

I just had possibly the most embarrassing moment of my entire life less than an hour ago. I was in Tesco to get a couple of odds and ends (God bless 24hr!), and I decided to buy the official Playstation magazine. I don't often buy it because I don't really play games a lot, but I thought, hey, why not.

Biggest mistake of my life.

Y'see, the magazine comes with a Blu-Ray disc which has stuff like playable demos and trailers for games on it. And it just so happened that the content on this disc was rated 18. I went to the self service, and scanned my items, which included a jar of "Rocket Fuel" coffee (The reason for this, I'll get onto in just a second).

So obviously, when I'm done scanning and bagging all my things, the message saying something like "Please wait, restricted items" comes up. One of the ladies comes over and checks what it is I have and is simply comes up on the screen "Magazine".

Uh-oh.

So without hesitation, or asking me for any ID, she quickly okays it and says nothing to me. Another woman came along and she was like "What is it you have?" and the first woman said "It's a magazine, Helen," obviously warning her not to take the situation any further.

I went redder than a tomato with sunburn. I felt like shouting "It's not porn!! It's a PS3 Magazine!!"

Of course, this would also explain the "Rocket Fuel" coffee. I'm planning to stay up all night with this magazine! All I needed in my shopping basket was a packet of tissues and they would never question me about anything ever again.

So anyway, yeah, the reason for the Rocket Fuel coffee is because I am planning on staying up all night to finish the first draft of my dissertation. The last time we can hand it in for feedback is tomorrow, so I want to do absolutely as much as I can, and I still have a few thousand words to write.

And here I am writing a blog! Way!

Yeah I should really go and do it. I just thought it would be a funny story to share with you all. Nothing much else to report apart from the fact that out of my usual six pupils on a Thursday night, one showed up. Admittedly, one is taking a break from lessons, and two are possibly stuck in some foregin country because they were away on holiday, but I'm not sure what happened to the other two.

I had a great lesson with Steven though, he's really coming along. He's started to become a lot more creative, and generally just technically good.

Anyway, I might post another blog entry later on tonight (Or this morning) when I will have finished a draft of my dissertation.

Stay tuned!

...Or sleep, it's up to you.

Dissertation ... Sigh.

Hi, I'm Chris Morris, and Stanley Kubrick decided to edit me out of the Shining, because he was afraid I would outperform Jack Nicholson.

So today I've been writing my dissertation all day. I've completely finished one of five chapters, and hope to have another one done by tonight (I'm working on all five chapters simultaneously). However, I am working at the Odeon tonight till about 11:30. Drat.

For those of you who don't know I'm in my final year of BA (Hons) Music at Perth College. It's a pretty terrible year. Not much support from the tutors, nobody knows what they're doing, and we're all going to die basically. There is the odd exception, the tutor who is supervising my dissertation is actually a fantastic one. Even the little things like emailing me earlier this week to inform me I still have time for feedback shows she actually cares.

Apart from that though, I have been having an absolutely terrible year. For example, for one of my modules this year I have had absolutely no classes, no tutorials, and no lectures. I'm not 100% sure on what it is that I have to be doing for it, and every time I ask about it I'm told to "refer to the student handbook" which tells me that I'll be getting classes.

Yeah, that's how bad it is.

In other news, Niles has set up his own facebook page. I'm not sure if he's using Heather's laptop or mine, but he's got pictures and everything up there, and most of you reading this will have been invited, so become a fan! Or "like" him now that facebook have decided to change that. I'm sure he'll be posting regular updates of what he's up to.

So a pretty uneventful day, and unfortunately a pretty dull blog entry. Tune in next time though, because I promise there will be fire, explosions and dragons.

Actually that reminds me of something, I had a rather long chat on the phone last night with Mr Nathan Brake, where I asked him about why the Workshop was all boarded up. His response was "Man, when it says on the side of food packets 'Do Not Microwave', believe it!".

I really have to stop believing anything he says.

Okay well I'm off now to serve Odeon guests who no doubt will have the following super-intelligent things to say as always:

"What's the difference between 3D and 2D?"

"Can I have a nachos please?"

"Do you not sell popcorn?"

"Where's cinema 5? Through there?" (Pointing to the stock cupboard)

"Ha ha ha" (While dropping popcorn in front of you and looking you dead in the eye)

"Americano? Don't you just have a black coffee?"

"Do you not have any onions with the hot dogs?"

And of course the all-time classic:

"Do you have the number for Cineworld?"

P.S Just for all you die-hard fans out there, here's a photo of me at work!

You may recognise the image behind me as the millions of balloons that Mr. Fredrickson from the absolutely amazing film Up used to float his house, but as this picture was being taken, my co-workers informed me that it was actually my afro.

Whatever happened to that?

First Entry

Hello bloggers, friends, and generally nosey people! I'm Chris Morris, and I once slammed a revolving door...

I decided to start writing a blog to keep all those die-hard Chris Morris fans out there happy (I know who you are, and in some cases, I know where you live). This will probably end up being a stupid rambling of things that are wrong with the world, like the fact that if you are late for work, you can be charged up to £90. Seriously! I was running a tad late for the music school last month and I parked on a single yellow line at 5pm, which is located in a pretty quiet street which you are allowed to park on from 6pm. I got a damn ticket for that. £30 if you pay right away, £60 if you leave it for two weeks, and £90 if you leave it for about a month. I had to pay £60 because I stupidly put the ticket in my glove compartment and forgot all about it.

What harm is my car doing there? What is it about that street, at that time that is stopping me from being able to park my innocent little car there? Are these parking attendants proud of their jobs? Do they go home and call their mums and tell them all about it?

So there we have it, things that are wrong with the world #1 - Parking Attendants!!

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, nowhere.

Hi, I'm Chris Morris ... No wait, I already did that. Okay.

So yeah, I guess in this first entry, I'll "blog" about what I did today.

I awoke from my slumber on several occasions this morning, only to roll over and go back to sleep. I eventually actually got out of bed at an absolutely unholy time which I don't really want to share with you all because it's downright shameful.

Actually, you know what? I'm gonna pin this one on Heather (Heather is my girlfriend for those of you who don't know). I can never get up when she is still in bed and she was in bed for a pretty long time this morning. This is a common occurrence; she will stay in bed with me for ages, then I'll drift off to sleep only to be woken up by her what seems like seconds later saying stuff like "Get up you lazy git, it's two o' clock"...

Ah, crap. I just gave away what time I got up at this morning...

Okay, so it was two o' clock. I'm a pretty busy person okay, so I deserve a long lie! A ... very long lie.

Getting up at that time today proved to shatter the whole day's plan. I had planned to do a lot of - even finish - my dissertation today. Final submission for feedback is due in this Friday y'see, so I want to get a first draft done. So waking up at two o' clock was ... A disaster. Especially because Heather's step-dad Dave phoned up today because he needed the use of my car for a trip to B&Q for items essential for the completion of the fence he is building.

So that took up some time, then I pretty much just bought some chicken for tea, went to work, and came back home.

By work, I mean the music school. Just to clear things up, work can mean two things - Music school, or Odeon.

So that's pretty much all I did today, a relatively relaxing day seeing as I slept for most of it. Early night tonight I think, so that tomorrow I can actually work on this dissertation.

Groan. Every time I think about college I just feel sick. I am not enjoying this year at all and quite frankly cannot wait until it's over. At the same time the thought of finally going out into the big bad real world slightly terrifies me.

Okay, so that's a pretty good first entry I think. Hopefully people will read this because in a few years I'm going to be the most famous astronaut in the entire world.

You read it here first.